Making A Choice

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After thanking the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to
be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the 8th inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game ? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards
Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,"the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

The Hardest Thing

We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me,
It's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong

I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
So, I've made up my mind
There is no turning back

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion as I say goodbye..
There's always another time to cry

I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
Pretending I don't love you..

I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
I've got to be cruel in order to be kind
So you can get on back with your life

Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending to you
Even though you will never know
There can be no happy ending

It's the hardest thing
I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
Pretending I don't love you..

Maybe another time, another day
No, There would never be that day..
As much as I want to, I can't stay

I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to you
And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion as I say goodbye..
There's always another time to cry..

I don't want to live a lie
What can I do
Except do the hardest thing I'll ever have to do..

(98 degrees)

A song to finish off the day..

A Tale Of Sadness

I am now officially a member of the Sunday afternoon 'Children Playground' club.
Why? Every Sunday, if it doesn't rain, you can see me sitting at the bench at the corner of the playground, tap tapping on my laptop or just watching the children playing. Away from inquiring eyes and the problems of the world. A bit like Forrest Gump..




Today, as I was sitting quietly looking at the kids playing football, an old granny came and sit beside me under the tree. I looked up at her and saw the many wrinkles that has marked her face. Time has certainly taken her youth and made her hair all white. However, something attracted me to her: the peaceful look on her face, as if she has found the secret to life.

We started to talk about nothing and then she mentioned that she has seen me at the playground many times. I just laughed and agreed with that fact. But she did not laugh. She asked me instead why do I look so sad. Stunned, I just kept quiet and look at the sky , trying to making silly remarks about how it was going to rain and that I need to get back home. Running away...



She started to tell of her story and that make me sit down again.

She has been married for almost 35 years and just two months ago her husband passed away. It has been a hard time for her. Waves of emotions kept her sad. There was also an element of anger, sadness, confusion, pain and disbelief at the loss.

She was wondering how she would go on with her life alone. She was helpless in trying to cope on her daily tasks now that he is no longer around. Loneliness: how do you fill up those long hours now that he is not around? It's twice as hard when you have reach her age. My heart went to her. I do understand what you are feeling, grandma.



She was saying that what kept her going on was her sharing the loss with her daughter. It just wouldn't do to isolate yourself from others. Being alone would make you even sadder and lost. Sometimes you just need to share it with others as they are hurting too. You just can't keep keeping away from reunions and gathering..hiding in parks.

She talked also about praying. Having faith in God and all that has been written. This is the time to get closer to God and calmness would surely follow suit. A way to ease yourself out from the dark clouds. It takes time and energy to heal.

She then told me to take care of myself and enjoy the good days. Do not ever be dependent on medications.

Sometimes. I  do not understand why strangers are being so good ? I am smiling, and I assure you that I am ok. I am ok. Really. 

It's just that..it makes me sadder when people are being so kind. Why isn't there a spell to stop someone from crying?

A Song For A Lonely Heart

Lately, all the songs on the radio seems to touch the heart. Not in a bad way, and not in too sad a way. Simply nostalgic.. guess it must be the that time of the year where you celebrate the day that you were born. It brings all sorts of jumbled up sentiments. Adding another number to her age.

Well, I am not that vain. I do not mind if there's a white hair appearing now and there. That would be normal..everyone will get older. You know how much I love birthdays.
A slow song for the sad heart :

DANCE WITH MY FATHER

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me

Then he would
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me,
But finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
to dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her,
My mama crying for him
I pray for her even more than me
And I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m praying for much, maybe too much
But, God, could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord,
she’s dying to dance with my father again
And every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
To dance with my father again..
***************
Beautiful and yet soulful lyrics. Now Cat understands why people would choose to stay as a family rather than follow their heart desires. It's the moments and the memories that you leave to the kids. No matter how much a person loves someone, that love would never surpasses the love for their family. One of it would always have to be sacrificed.



Lonely but peaceful night tonight.

Walking On

The wings of cupid are buzzing like mad today.
Mission: forming as many couples as they can before the stroke of midnight.
Datelines! don't you just hate that word. That's the bad thing about being in the 22nd century. Living by the clock. Join the club, Mr Cupid!

There's only 4 of us working today (all the others are on leave). 1 is boss, who's rushing here and there to ensure that all the small cupids are sticking to the ceiling for tonight's dinner. 2ndly, there's Secretary who's just came back from MC (How Cat misses you..ok, here's your chair and your mouse back). 3rd, there's E, who's boyfriend is overseas. And lastly, Cat, who has forgotten to apply leave...again and again. That is what happens when you only concentrate on selling and forgot about living :)

One eye on the clock while the other eye scanning the reports. Why is it always that time passes so slow when you are watching it. And it passes in a flash when you are enjoying yourself.



Caught a song on the radio and the melody just stuck in the head :

If only you could see the tears
in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realize
You're a loss that I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me



Shaking her head. Gotta keep on going. Tuning her full attention back to the reports, not noticing little broken arrows laying all around her chair. Sorry, no time to play nowadays, Mr Cupid. Maybe you should try the office next door. You'll have better luck perhaps.

Everything Ok

It's a big thing to lose your dreams and hopes. Alas, it's an even bigger thing to lose them while knowing at that time that there would be no one who would stand up for you.

How not to feel at all?
When you have given your whole heart to someone, what would you do to fill up the empty gap once the heart has been crushed to dust? When he has been the main part of me?

Laughter: the need to avoid hearing the enormous sound of silence when his voice can no longer be heard.

Smile: the need to hide the tears that's forming and surfacing from inside.

Conversations: the need to talk as to drive away all thoughts.

This is also one of the reason for closing her fb. I just could not bear everything...

If you ask me if I am ok.. Yes, I am. See, I am laughing, smiling and talking without end. I am ok, really ok. The best thing is not to ask at all.. I am not a good actress.