Melancholic Cat

One of my favorite photos taken by Mattijn Franssen A bit vampirish like. You can hardly get to see a picture of a cat with an abandoned castle in the background and on a gloomy night.. priceless.

Some people are afraid of such colors (black, dark blue green and grey) which are often associated with chaos, violence and madness.

I love it. In every one of us there is a dark side, hidden skeletons which we do not talk about. There are things that you do not share with others. And sometimes you just appreciate dark paintings or photos like the above which presents your feelings and moods perfectly at the right moment.

Of Moon and Cat

Ikin was asking why Cat loves looking at the moon so much? She said that the moon is so boring: not moving, not blinking. Just like the lights at home. She said that it would be better to look at the stars.

Well, Ikin, there's something that you should know.. Cat is ..a.. werewolf! :P
No lah, there's no such things as werewolves. They only exist in movies and story books. Cat does not even like meat. :p

In verity, Cat started to love looking at the moon when Cat was studying in France. It was not Dad who told Cat about the myth of the moon. No one actually did that. Cat loves to read story books and legends of all sorts, and in every tale, there's always the moon in it when the story reach the sad or scary part.

After Nancy, each one of us, the Malaysian students were required to choose what field of studies to pursuit. We were also asked to choose where we would like to be sent to from a list of areas that have the courses that we were interested in.

Trying to see if Cat can be independent or not, and desiring to be on her own, Cat agreed to go to Strasbourg, Capital of Europe. 4 hours on train to Paris and several more hours to the East of France. The smell of adventure.

There were times when the heart is heavy, Cat trying to act as if Cat doesn't care and nothing can touch her. Cat lives almost at the top of the building. It was a very small room with a bed, a reading table, a wardrobe and a small sink. Hardly any space to move around but the good part is that it has a big window.

The night sky in Strasbourg is different from the night sky here. Over there, the sky was so clear that you can hardly see the stars. But the moon would always be there, at the same spot and it seems so near that you feel as if you could touch it with your fingers. Sleeping with the window opened, Cat would empty her heart out, telling the moon her true feelings. And that is how the story goes..


Signing off,
Cat..

Sports

SEEING COLORS


It's going to be the World Cup season soon (sooner than I can finish sneeze'ing' ..having flu today. (Can germs be transmitted through the net or through phone lines? Hmm..).



Well, this week let's post according to colors.. yes. Going to slot in the color themes as fast as I can because after these everyone will jam the net lines watching live and 'non live' telecasts of the World Cup. What's wrong with that? Well, nothing actually..only that the internet connection will be very sloooow... Can't people just watch the games at the 'mamak' stalls or cafes where there are big screens and fanatic fans screaming each time someone scores a goal.

Guess..it's really a big event: watching 2 teams fighting to get to kick a ball into the other team's goal. I am really not a sports fan. Anyone can see that.



If you think that the last Badminton Cup was bad, this is going to be worse. The tv even has the old refrain coming back : eat, sleep and dream FIFA World Cup (in Malay: Makan Bola, Tidur Bola dan minum Coca Cola') :p At the hotel, we are already in the midst of putting the final touches to the preparation for the World Cup. The posters are ready, the T-Shirts coming in, the sponsors are lined up, The 2 big LCD screens & speakers have been put up (imagine the sound/din it will make! Enough to wake up the dead!).

As the plans are still hush-hush matter (as good old boss was saying: We must keep the element of surprise to catch the competitors off guard!), I will only be able to show you the photos a few days before the actual event. :)



The FIFA World Cup 2010 will be held in South Africa. Countdown: 42 Days 9 hours 28 minutes and 10 seconds before the kick offs (11 June- 11 July 2010). :p (grin) We were all told to memorize this basic info. Sigh.. It will be a very busy month as the hotel is going to be full with Church groups and holiday vacationers (Singaporeans starts their school holiday from 28th May till 20 June 2010).

Malaysians will be joining in the fun as ours will start a week after that 5th June till 20th June 2010. Never mind, I got used already to the weird schedule... :) hoteliers work while everyone is enjoying the holidays.



Voila! That's the plan for month of May & June. Come what may, need to finish everything before next week before the hectic period starts. The World Cup 2010 song is not bad at all. Got a catchy tune to it. :p

Watch all the excitement of pre-FiFA at www.fifa.com/worldcup


Signing off,
Hana

********
AFTER WORLD CUP

Finally, the World Cup fever is finished :).
In conclusion, I now know that :
1) Spain is the winner :p (grin)
2) The last match was Spain vs Netherlands... :p
2) There was a story about a giant squid..oppss..Octopus.. named Paul:p
3) Also a story about a bird making predictions.. (lol)
4) Something about referees being sent home
5) Special menus created with weird names
6) Football players in Malaysian ads :)
Guess.. that's the whole lot of it.

Phew..That's one big event cat is glad it's finished and can now be slot into my filing cabinet. Feeling so out of place this 1 month.. :p where the conversation and attention was all on the World Cup. (Understandable that it's not every day that you get to watch the big event.. but still, I did get the feeling of being left out). I tried to keep track of the names of the players, the scores, the jersey numbers..alas, it's not easy when your mind keeps wandering to other things.. :)

Now that the football fever has gone, let's do a bit of post mortem. From my window, I would say that the winners are the restaurant owners, the mamak shops, Mc Donald's (who came out with all those special football snacks) and all the big hotels. The main attraction everywhere is places where there's big LCD screens and food.

It sounds easy to just mix and match some recipes based on the countries that's playing and put the names of the players on them. In reality, it's complicated. There's meeting almost everyday as we need to be more creative and faster than the competitors. How to attract crowd and get as much business in while the game is on. On our side, we have put 2 big LCD screen at our open air cafe..with 2 games going on simultaneously, and a big score board updated daily.

We decided not to create new dishes but to work with what we have on our hands: Marketing and Re-branding our top selling products. It does seems like I am boasting and talking too much on technicality this time... doesn't it? Please excuse me.. well..I am just pleased to be a part of the project and when it works..you would just want to share it with others. :)

One of the things we did (it was rather boss's idea :) ) was put flags of each team's countries on our nasi lemak cover. It was great! If you have 4 person sitting at a table and 3 of them order the nasi lemak and each supported different teams, you have colorful packages on the table. The person who ordered other item than the nasi lemak, will have a flag of his team put on the plate. Put them on the plain dark tablecloth, it looks fantastic. We did have a bit of a problem before we could get the nasi lemak idea on. There were a bit of a delay as some people with higher authority was against the idea. They say that it's not ethical to put country flags on food packaging as these will be thrown into dustbins later on. We had a debate and presented our reasons (it was only a few days before the big game). Luckily, we won :p

The not so good scenario: There was lots of betting going on. And looking at the crowd, it was not small amount that change hands. More than cat's salary for 6 months. There were lots of drunken guests..they must have lost quite a lot. There was a room that was spoilt..as the guest threw up all over the bed, on the carpet and all over himself.. It was a wonder that he was still alive..after a night lying in his own vomit. The maid who did the room was almost in tears as she cannot stand the smell.

Well, that's a bit of my part in this whole World Cup issue. Tired to the bones..but happy to see that it worked out fine and there's a whisper that there's going to be a big bonus for us.. :) Hope the rumors are true. :)

Hmm.. wonder if I should make a book and sell it to the producers of 'Hotel Mania'. :p hehehe... just joking.

Addiction

Have you ever thought of something when reading about smokers, drug addicts and alcoholics? How do these people get addicted to something that everyone knows for a fact that it can only be bad to your health? Why? How? What?

Cat used to wonder about this issue too. How on earth can a person get addicted to anything? Well, now..cat has a theory on this. (Groan..cat and her theories again!:p Do give cat a chance will you.. At least she is keeping her chin up and still have her sense of humor inside her. Because the day this cat loses all her smile will be the day she gave up on everything including writing).

There are cases where people are just being curious. They wonder if they could fare better if they were in those addicts' shoes. 'Wonder what beer/drug tastes like. If I just try one glass/injection, it wouldn't hurt surely. Just one..I should be able to stop whenever I want to.' Curiosity kills people as well as a cat. As you finish a glass, evil whispers and taunts from friends and Satan urge you to have a second glass. Voila, one more person joining the numbers in the statistics.

Secondly, this might happen when you lose someone or when everything seems to be going against you. Or knowing that you have a serious illness that left you feeling helpless and vanquished. Life seems so full of sorrow, depressing and with no one to turn to. Pain is fiery, consuming and unsettling. Sometimes, you just feel a sadness that is so deep, suffocating with no signs of ending. What if at that time you find a drug that can make you feel happier, make you forget all the worries and helps you sleep at night? Wouldn't you want to continue taking it?



Addiction, dependence on certain substances (for example alcohol, tobacco and other drugs), which crosses the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the way your brain works. Addiction can also be dependency on an act such as gambling, food, sex, pornography, computers, video games, internet, work, exercise or spiritual obsession. Hmm..Everything in life is to be taken with moderation and it's not that easy to throw away a habit or an addiction. It would be easier to just succumb to the addiction than to fight it.

As Dr Albert Lim Kok Hooi says: When the chips are down, it is time to take charge. Time to dig deep within your psyche and find that last bit of strength to help you go through the trials. It would help also to have someone who cares as it gives life a meaning and a purpose.

Cat has found her survival kit in writing and reading (especially biographies, poems and motivational stories). Poems, actually, comforts the heart by giving meaning to your emotions and by reading them, you feel that you are not alone in your suffering. The refrain of an unforgettable poem, like the lyrics of a song,lingers on in your mind and pops out at times when you need them most.


An evergreen poem written by Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) goes as such :

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain,

If I can ease one life from aching

Or cool one's pain,

Or help one fainting robin,

Into his nest again,

Then.. I shall not live in vain.

Let's go out and enjoy the sunshine.. Night time is dark enough as it is.
Let's join Batman and distract him from his work tonight...

Signing off,
Cat

Between the Layers

"Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep while doing it"


**************
Have you ever picked up an onion and hold it in your palm? It does feel as solid as a basebal ball, doesn't it?
Then, you picked up a knife and peel it off, layer by layer, one at a time. Slowly. Each layer seems so filmsy and fragile, very unlike the onion itself.

It's the same with people. (I know, I know.. it's cliche but Cat still has to write it down in order to get rid of it from her mind). Sometimes you see a person who seems so confident, easygoing, cool and who is always laughing. Someone solid and without a single worry. Someone who seems to attract crowds wherever he/ she goes. And..to put it bluntly, you either say to yourself..'I want to be like that!' or 'I want him/her'.

Blinded by what you see, you might have forgotten that 'not one person in this world is perfect'. Everything and everyone has a flaw (be it minor or major). What you is is only the public figure. There are layers and layers of the individual that you have not yet seen: fear, courage, anger, kindness, patience etc.. The combination of things that really matters.

It's not only the other person. Each of us have our own layers of onions.. oppss.. personality. Sometimes, we hide our true selves and are so wrapped up in layers of onion, hiding whatever defect that we have. Sometimes,  we are afraid of our own feelings that we chased people off, trying to save ourselves from getting hurt. And maybe.. trying to see if there is anyone out there that has enough patience and endurance to peel the layers away. To finally see us as we are and are not afraid by what they see.

When things start to make you panic or when you feel like you do not really know the person standing in front of you, it's time to take a deep breath. Choice is yours : To peel or not to peel , that is the question. Or, just avoid using onion in your food... at your own risk :)
*********

(Dragon, having a crush on Donkey, is cuddling him)
Donkey: [desperately talking] I don't want to rush into a... physical relationship... I'm not that emotionally ready for a... uh... commitment of this... uh... magnitude!  Huh! Hey, that is unwanted physical contact! Hey! What're you doing? 


Okay, okay, okay... let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time... I mean, we should really get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even as pen pals, you know, coz I'm on the road a lot, but I just love to get a card... 

.

Hopelessly Cat

Cat agrees that she has never been a very practical person.

Maybe he is right in saying no one else could tolerate living with cat. Maybe that is why he kept saying that he has no time to drive cat here and there. No time also to correct all the mistakes that cat did. Maybe no one would stay with cat for a long duration. Maybe cat would bore anyone in the long run. Maybe cat should have stayed alone all these while.

But doesn't Cat has a right too in wanting to be happy? Doesn't Cat has a right also to smile and laugh whenever Cat wants? Has Cat no positive points in her character at all? And couldn't all the good points that Cat did, cover all the bad points in the long run? Wouldn't it be better to have a small house with good memories etched within the handwriting and crayon color on the wall? Wouldn't it be great to have laughter than sadness in this relationship?

Cat certainly can't breathe in this silence.. The sound of silence is too deafening..
Do help Cat understand things. .. coz it's hurting Cat a lot.

Signing off,
Cat

Searching For Courage

Dear Memoir,

Keep turning around and around asking the question 'Why'..
The heart just keep on growing sadder...waves upon waves of sadness..until it feels like it's exploding. Then..no sensation at all..it feels almost as if everything has been wiped out with a sweep of a brush. Numb. Sick to the stomach.

Grasping at the only one thing that makes sense..a gift of comfort from him:

For truly with hardship comes ease; truly with hardship comes ease"
[Surat al-Inshirah: 5-6]

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God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change...
and the courage to change the things I can...
God, and please let me be strong and free me from every sorrow..

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
"Ya Allah, I hope for Your mercy, do not leave me for even the duration of an eye blink (duration) and correct my total condition. Besides You there is none worthy of worship".

اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيِنِي مَا كَانَتِ الْحَيَاةُ خَيْرٌ لِي وَتَوَفَّنِي إِذَا كَانَتِ الْوَفَاةُ خَيْرَاً لِي
Ya Allah keep me alive only as long as it is good for me and take me when death is better for me..

Got to get ready for work..

Memento

I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?... 


Dementia.. is described as a group of symptoms caused by disorders that affect the brain. Among all the disorders, the most frequently heard of is the Alzheimer's disease, involving the progressive lost of brain cells.

Would losing your memory be one of the worst experience anyone could ever suffer from? Only God knows.. as those at that stage would not be telling any stories.. Losing half of your memory is already frightening.. trying to remember recent events (whether it did happen or not), being confused and trying to be certain whether what people are telling you is true or not.

They say that Alzheimer's disease often struck those that are at the age of 60 and above. Yet, it is not uncommon that 5% of those in the early age of 40s and 50s can also be affected by it.

Facts remained that in the early stage the most noticeable deficit is memory loss, which shows up as difficulty in remembering recently learned facts and inability to acquire new information. On the contrary, older memories  the memory of the body on how to do things, such as using a fork to eat are affected on a lesser degree. 

Along the years, more deterioration appears, with the person being unable to perform most common activities of daily living.They started to have more difficulties in trying to recall vocabulary which leads to frequent incorrect word substitutions Reading and writing slowly becomes impossible. During this phase, memory problems worsen, and the person may fail to recognize even those who are close to them.
*******

Wonder which is the worse scenario: would it be losing one of the limbs ..or losing the faculty to remember, to think and to act. In one part, you might not care less. But on the other hand, it will be hard to visualize yourself as a burden to the others: giving the role caregiver to the ones that you loved and having them sadden by your condition. Sickness is as hard on others as on your own self, isn't it?

Wonder what would be best in this situation: to be alone by yourself and not to burden others..? Or would it be better to spend and enjoy whatever time left with those that you care regardless what will happen at the end?

Life is full of challenges and trial.. Sometimes, we put things aside to think of it on another day. Sometimes, we hide the facts.. and pretend that things are fine. There are also times, when we just face up to reality and fight things till the end. Or maybe we just run away and hope that problems will settle by themselves.

Whatever, it is , it's a question of choices. To be alone or to share things whether it is good or bad. Don't be sad, don't be mad.. sometimes things do happen for a reason that we do not understand. Just be strong and pray for the best..

Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.