There are times when cat just want to leave everything and give up. There are times too when cat just feel like throwing something at someone (smiling..well, cat is almost human). And there are times when cat just wish that she is deaf so that she would not hear anything at all.
Why? Because some people just love to judge others based on what they see on first glance or by what they hear from others. Why don't they just take the next step and ask or give advices if they really think that the thing is wrong. Why wait till the thing is done, then said 'I told you so'.
If you see a kid playing with matches and papers, why don't you just go tell the kid that how dangerous it is to be doing that. Or does it gives people satisfaction to go around telling others how bad that kid is and how the events will turn out if he keeps playing with those items. Or do they hope that by telling it to someone else, that someone else will talk to the child, instead? In the end, no one did, but instead the child was wondering about all the weird look people were giving him. You know how gossips starts: it begins with an innocent remark, told from one ear to another. And as words were passed on, things get twisted and the story became exaggerated and moved away from the original remark. And one day, the kid would just use the matches to please everyone's expectations on what he will do.
Cat knows..that is how life is. It's not an easy path and every test is expected to make you into a stronger person. Alas, it still hurts to hear or see words that insinuated on things that is not totally right. First reaction is to be angry. Second, came the sense of how unfair it is. And now, just to let it go. What's the use of getting upset. At least you'll have a clear picture and the time to think things out. Not changing cat's mind anymore.
To think of it, to accuse is always easy...The hard part is to be at the 'accused' person's seat.
Signing off,
Cat
You are right. There's no place anywhere for the soft-hearted people around here. This tiny bit of heart has been broken into even smaller pieces that no glue can put it back together.
Now this is the Law of the Jungle:
(as old and as true as the sky..)
And the Wolf that shall keep it, may prosper,
But the Wolf that shall break it must die..
For this is the law of the jungle:
Only the strongest and the fittest will survive..
Every man for himself..
To kill or be killed..
To eat or be eaten..
Signing off,
Cat is lost in a world that she could not understand. Silly, silly cat.. (small laugh)..
It has been a rather busy week. Cat was just going to sit down and breathe a fresh load of air, thankful that boss has not bugged cat the whole duration of the event. Then suddenly cat's boss came into the office.
Sigh..too good to be true. Might be that cat's focus on the "Law of Attraction" was too strong? Just a fleeting thought of him. Speaking of the devil..(pardon the pun) and voila..here he is.
"Cat, I'm going to move you to the office on the 3rd floor." said he.
"Oo.." said cat trying to stall for time.
"You are too isolated down here on your own. It will be good to have you at the same floor as the rest of the team so that you will be aware of all the changes & movements. This will also facilitate me to groom you to be my Assistant when the time comes. What do you say, cat?" continued boss, brimming with the 'good news'.
"When do you want me to move, boss?"said cat slowly.
"By end of this week. Your new office will be ready by then and it will be just opposite mine".
What can Cat say. Boss's words are an order, not really a suggestion. Deep breath..and count to 10. In a positive way..it's true what he said about being on track with all the movements upstairs. However, this will also mean..taking over some more of the other duties and attending more meetings plus Cat's own workload. It will mean staying more hours at the office and lesser time..
Let's put that thoughts away for the moment. No good worrying in advance on something that has not happened yet, kan. Still got a few more days. :) This is only to let you know that if cat is keeping silence these days, this would be the reason why. You might be busy too as the end of the year approaches. Who knows..maybe, you might not even notice that Cat has not logged in, might not even miss Cat.. (smile)Take good care of yourself..
Now, where is that list? Need to focus on clearing things, documents, files and getting cat's self ready for the changes. Anyone with big boxes and an extra pair of hands to lend to cat? :)
Signing off,
Cat
Listening to "Us against the World" -Westlife-
Last 2 weeks, there was an open house event at the orphanage. The board, sponsors and people from the nearby area has been invited to attend as the children would like to perform a play as a thank you to everyone before the school year ends.
The children on the stage were excited and look forward to entertain us with their best performance. Cat heard that they have been training a whole month for this. But half of the attendees were not even paying attention. Some were talking, others were already showing a bored face and looking at their watches as if they were wasting their time there and would prefer to be elsewhere.
Then one of the board director stood up and went to the stage.
'Could everyone just off their handphones and give only 30 minutes of your attention to these children. Not a week or a day but only 30 minutes. They have been practising practically every day in order to express their gratitude to all of us. We, who have enjoyed a lot in life, are only asked to sit and give 30 minutes of our time. That is all that is required. Is it too much to ask?'
Ooo..there are still heroes in this life. Cat was already standing and clapping her hands for that guy who has voiced out cat's mind before cat got the chance. The clapping was cut short as cat's friend was pulling cat's hand to make cat sit down. :) Ouch..
There were those with guilty faces and those like cat who was glad for the speech. There was a bit of a silence and the show continues with now everyone giving their full attention.
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If we don't have time to listen to these children, what do we have time for?
We do need to slow down and remember what we really need. a sense of fulfillment, of happiness, of peace.
Maybe we are too occupied with ourselves (this includes cat). We are in a hurry to get home at night, so that we can go to bed, so that we can wake up early in the morning, so that we can go to work again ..etc..etc.. :) And we spend the weekend preparing the work for the next week.
Cat agree that we need to work hard sometimes to make end meets. But when we never stop to look at the sky, we lose our human side. We become mechanical.
In the old days, people work side by side with nature, using their hands producing something that they can touch and feel. They interact with neighbors to sell their products. Nowadays things are more abstract. We sit in front of a screen and does not connect it with real life.
Cat is as guilty as the next person. Cat hated waiting in line and would just like to rush from one place to another. Cat would sometimes get impatient when the service was slow regardless that it was a fresh new staff who was at her first job. Hmm.. :) but Cat is trying to change.
Maybe it's time to slow down a bit and give someone a break. Cat is going to pay more attention to what's happening around cat and spend some time getting to know her neighbors. :) Ah...Cat.. seems like you'll never graduate from this life's school.
Signing off,
Cat
When life’s problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate
From the start, every self help book that cat read was about forgetting the past hurt and to always be a positive thinker. They say that we should not dwell on our sadness as everyone have problems and each of them might be even worse than ours. So, we learn not to complaint and sweep all those unwanted and bad events under the carpet.
We shrug off life's trials and tribulations, convincing ourselves that they have made us stronger. Many people go through life with a broken piece inside them, masking the inner turmoil with routine, work and play. Most of the time, we may be completely unaware of this flaw in us because the broken piece does not make any sound: just a dead silence which might become a time bomb one day.
There's the case of the child abuse victim who does the same to his children; the college student who flips out with a fully loaded automatic rifle; the abused victim who can never seem to form any stable relationship; the guy at the service counter who starts shouting for no apparent reason and lastly the tortured soul who finally decides to end her life.
A Asohan seems to voice it out more accurately: There are so many broken people out there. Counselling can help if a person is aware enough to seek help. But in some cases counselling can only the dress the wounds so that the person can play a functional role in society and then hope that the wound will not reopen or fester. Even those who want to help will not be able to reach in that deeply to help the most tortured souls.
For those unthinking people who ignore the consequences of their misdeeds or falsely believe that they would be redeemed 'as time heals all wounds', think again. The damage that you have done to other people may be deeper and darker than you'd like to assume.
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'Have you ever seen a dog get hit by a car, but walk away? There's this impact and you know that something terrible has happened to that dog. But it still walks away and doesn't seem to realize the implications. It just walks on. But, you, you know that something terrible has happened inside this dog and it is now there, biding its time.' - Full Frontal movie-
Signing off,
Cat
Do knight in shining armor really exist? Or are they a fragment of someone's creative imagination that were passed on to others?
Same goes with the fact that there are no dragons, no witches, no fairy godmother.
Life is so much different than Disney's stories. Life, actually, is more like the original works of Hans Christian Anderson: The little mermaid didn't get the prince. Even when in the end, the mermaid decided not to kill the prince, she was turned into sea foam. The prince were happily married to the princess and did not even remember the mermaid. Sad but reality bites.
Could this Cat do that? Sacrificing her life for the happiness of another? To stand still and watch everyone continue with their daily lives as they normally did?
The answer is yes. If the world is as hard as Hans in his story telling tales told us, Cat would probably do what the mermaid did. She would put this heart of hers into a box. Lock it and keep it in a safe place where it won't fall to pieces every time the silence became heavier than any burden. Tears has never been known to solve anything. Just like throwing ashes into the wind.
If Chrissy can stick to her rigorous plan in changing her life, cat believes that cat also can stick to this plan of changing cat's emotional mindset.
Cat wants to be strong so that no one can hurt her or make her miserable ever again.
Let's make a pact, Chrissy. As long as you will not throw down the towel, cat will not give up also. Cat will try to start all over again but with a brand new diary.
This would be cat's own fight in keeping the spirit high and not letting anyone put cat's self esteem down that bottomless well again. Thank you Chrissy, for opening cat's eyes. Hugs and salute to you.
P/S: This does not mean that Cat do not need anyone. Of course, Cat will always need someone to standby her. A someone who would be proud of Cat each time Cat did something good or correct. Cat also need someone to help Cat gets up again each time she falls down. She knows that even the strongest person would breakdown and cry..sometimes.
Cat wants with all her heart to laugh out loud and be the reason that brings a smile to those close to her. Cat would want to hear someone's news and be there in case someone needs Cat. There won't be any pity, sorry or empty promises between us. Cat would only be glad to know that someone cares. The bruises and cuts are to be expected when riding a bike.
Cat used to say, 'If you will take care of me, I will take care of you too.'
But now, instead of that, Cat is saying 'I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.'
