Pandora's Box

You know..it's been some time since Cat visited this City. The busy area has become more busy than before. It now has all sorts of tall, modern looking buildings. Awesome..a small Cat in such a big city. Alas, just a few kilometers away, at the outskirts of the city limit, the paint on some of the buildings were peeling; they looked old and tired.

From the hotel room, Cat can see only a little bit of the night sky.
Sigh..Tall buildings were everywhere, hiding the stars from Cat's view. Cat just love to look at the shining stars and the moon..sigh..how weird and lonely Cat feels at this moment.

All these while, Cat has been putting all her bad memories into boxes at the back of her mind/brain. Locked them, switch off the lights and let cobwebs settled there. Never, ever to be open. Always moving forward and not looking back at the past.

But fate has a hand in our destiny (hmm..destiny :P such a big word for a small cat to use in describing her small life). When Cat's world turns topsy turvy, the locks broke, and the lids on the boxes sprang open. Try as much as she can, she cannot close the Pandora's box.

All the sadness, the hurt..came rushing out. There's no place to hide. This is the real Cat, who is not perfect, not without flaws. Gone is the person who follows instructions without any questions, who is always composed, who never answers back and who endures anything without complaints.

This is Cat and this is her story. Take me as I am..

A Rose for a Cat

It has been a tiring, difficult week and Cat was feeling a little fragile and introspective. Still hurting from yesterday's episode and still down in the dumps.

Cat was really upset and tired. Thinking that it was no good always trying to be the 'understanding' one and the one that people run to when they need advices. Questioning on why there's no one around when it's cat's turn to ask for advices. Sadness and self pity..what a combination.

Then a YM came from someone and saves the day. Thank you, dear friend, for knocking some senses into Cat's head and for also the virtual rose. Ouch..the thorns can still hurts though (smile).

One more lessons today: We should not expect any return for doing a good deed. Doing a good deed is like giving a beautiful rose to someone. If it makes that someone happy, very good. After you give it, walk on. The smile on that person's face is enough and you certainly do not stand there and hope that the person will give a rose back to you. The rose would be given to you at a time when you needed it most and by someone else. Just like today.

When in doubt, we usually prefer to be anxious and fearful. That way, if things get worse, you are already tensed and miserable. You don't need to make adjustments to your mood. However, if things turn out not so bad at all, you can feel that it was your early preparation to be miserable that has spared you.

The situation grim enough without our making it worse for ourselves. We need to realize that weeping and wailing doesn't help at all. Just got to keep on smiling.

A quote : If you can do something about the situation, then do it, just don't worry about it. If you can't do anything about it, then there's also no point in worrying because nothing can be done.

In times of crisis, cat might just do as the British : I'll just go and make some tea (smile) or in Asia..let's go and cook some rice. Better still, go and pluck a rose (but not from his garden lah) :)

Restless

Felt so restless today.
What to do? What to do? What to do? What to do?

Have you ever felt like wanting to shout, kick at a stone, do something, ANYTHING just to let that restlessness go away? Usually, Cat is very calm and sweet natured (ceh...praising myself). But once in a blue moon, when the 'feeling tank' gets overloaded, you'll get an agitated and restless Cat. A case of finding an outlet to let go of all that abundance of energy. Should not let it blow off at another person..it wouldn't be correct.

Kicking a stone? Nope. it will hurt her toes. :) Throwing a stone at a bird? Nope. Better throw it at xxxx. hehehe. (Note: I am only saying it, but not going to do that). Sigh.. nevertheless, nice to imagine doing that.

Another way, which is better: put on the running shoes and run. This way.. you push whatever that is bugging you out of your system and keep yourself fit. A bit boring, but a safe thing. You don't push anyone except yourself.

Chatting? Might do.. as long as it's with someone who doesn't mind hearing you rant on what's bugging you (make sure you do the same thing when it's her/his time).

Someone suggested yoga. Hmm..depends on who you are talking to.

Laughing might be the best way to let out all that tension. Wanna come and join Cat go and see a movie..or better still buy a VCD and ice cream. Ehem.. ;)

Dear God, thank you for this gift of humor..

By Your Side

We were sitting side by side.
He was talking aloud of his frustrations and sadness of the softball match last Saturday.
He has been losing sleep thinking again and again of the last seconds of the game.

'You see, I should have managed to hit that ball. I should have gotten to it if I had paid more attention. We were doing well in holding up with the other team on the score. At that last minute, I just relax for a while and I let my guard down. Basically, I am the real reason that our team lost the game.' he said.

I didn't know what to say to him. There was a long silence between us.

At last he broke the silence and said 'You are not listening at all, are you?'

'I am listening.' I said. 'It's just that I don't have anything in my life that is as important to me as softball is to you. I never like sports and I never though of running as anything other than a hobby.' I paused for a few minutes.

'That is why I cannot say that I understand what you are feeling now. I cannot truly comprehend those feelings. After all, you are the one who practiced every day till late evening. You are the one who also lost the game. And you are the one who really feel the pain. I, on the other hand can only imagine it. I am not going to act as if I know what you are going through'.

'However, there's one thing that I can do. I can listen to you. Go ahead and talk about it. Talk about it until you get it all off your chest. Shout or cry if you feel like it. This is something that you have to get over by yourself.'

If there is light in the soul,
there will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
there will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
there will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world."

Crossroads

It's hard being at crossroads and having to choose which road to take.
Especially when it's a choice between whatever logic the mind is prompting you to do so..and whatever the heart is trying to push you to take.

Cat, most of the time would just rush in whenever a situation arises and do whatever Cat feels is right. Alas, getting older does not seem to change Cat a lot. Cat has not fully comprehend the art of thinking about something in a long run basis. Someone used to tell Cat that having good intentions doesn't mean a thing.. if in the end, everything that Cat built crumbles. He said that Cat has a tendency to create disturbance even when she tries to do good deeds.

Is that true? sigh..that seems to be the case tonight.

Maybe Cat should just sit at this crossroad, looking at the signboard till the end of time. Lets to be invisible and not touch anyone else's lives. Can a cat sit calmly for a while not doing anything, not thinking anything? I don't believe so.

Can a Cat see a butterfly landing half a foot near her and not try to catch it? Can Cat see a red ball rolling in front of her eyes and not run after it?

This is a test of patience.
Sit still, Cat..empty your mind.. don't move a paw till you have gone through all the pro and con. hmm.. :( Sad thoughts indeed. Is it really true that Cat does more harm than good to all those around Cat?



Which way should Cat choose: right or left? Someone, do give Cat a clue..

Baby Hatch Part II

Some of you would remember that cat did wrote a posting on the Baby Hatch issue a few months ago. Firstly, cat would like to thank all those who has supported the cause as this is one of the topics that touched cat's heart and which cat supports with all her might: The fate of an unwanted child.

As an update, Malaysia's first baby hatch was finally launched on 29th May 2010 by Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil from the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development after a long debate on the issue since February 2010. It is certainly a big step in trying to prevent the abandoning of unwanted babies in dumpsites and garbage bin..or even worse.. finding the remains of a newborn child in water tanks and public toilets. A sad fate indeed and one which made it seems like we are going backwards to those pagan days.

The baby hatch.. a small first step in saving a life. Cat really hope that those desperate mothers would now have an alternative (with the existence of a baby hatch) instead of simply taking the life of an unwanted child.

What will happen to the babies? The baby hatch , which is managed by OrphanCare (an NGO), helps to match and place the babies with suitable adoptive parents and assists to expedite the adoption process. At last, no baby should be left to die just because the mother doesn't know where to turn to.

Then ..why does cat seems sad? Cat should have been the happiest person because that the Baby Hatch idea is actually now opened after she has been giving her full energy and support to it. Why? Because there's a side of it that cat has never thought of before.

Cat has forgotten her own lesson: there's always 2 sides to think of..even when the idea is good. It's the issue of a muslim mother is required to give the baby birth certificate. Previously, cat was neither pro nor con with this issue with a bit of reserve that this will prevent unwed Malay mothers to leave the child at the hatch.

Cat should have taken note of the other problems that arises in later years. This is one of the lessons that cat should have picked up during the volunteer part at the orphanage. A child with no background, even adopted, will have problems in obtaining an identity card as the names of parents are not there. If you are an indian adopted by Chinese parents, how do you prove to the authority that the birth certificate was not falsified when the certificate has a Chinese name on it?

The other part is the question of lineage.. how do you know that you are not marrying your own sister or brother when you do not even know where you came from? Lots and lots of problems..

Cat does acknowledge that the hatch is not the solution for all the problems but it does help to save a life. A life is a life.. and you should save whoever you can. Only that it still needs some rethinking on it on the part where what will happen to these children later on..

Hmm..

Signing off,
Cat

Reaching For The Sky

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat these two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

If..such a big word. With an if, anyone can become king, beggars can become kings..

The hardest thing would be : to change that 'If' to reality..

Big Girls Don't Cry

Cat has always been at her best when she's busy.
When she's concentrating on her work or when she's driving, she keep her feelings aside and just think of work. Auto pilot : smiling, solving problems, answering calls...the ever efficient cat.

It's when she's on her own, alone, that the weight of whatever that was bothering her becomes unbearable. The heart feels so painful..like it's going to burst. Drowning, not enough air in her lungs.

She keeps saying to herself over and over again that big girls do not cry. She wanted to be brave and not be a burden to anyone. Alas, the emptiness creeps in and the tears that she kept inside, came flooding out.

Gosh Cat, stop making a depressed face. Laugh like you always do. Don't Cry.

Bittersweet

Sadly, we sometimes do not seem to realize what we have until it is gone.
Only when we lose something, we are reminded of its value and wished that we had better appreciated it.

We falsely convinced ourselves that everything around us will remain constant, especially the people around us. We tend to take those around us for granted until they are no longer there. Only then do we see how big their impact really was on us.

In the heat of an argument when hurtful words fly, it is better that we stop ourselves in our tracks and think: 'Will I still say the same thing if I know that she'll be gone tomorrow?'

For a few moments in my life, you made me feel as if I truly meant Something to Someone..

Empty Spaces

The head is throbbing, temperature rising and the eyes are strained.
This would be the 3rd day. Food looks bland and one bite, just one,  would make the stomach wants to throw everything out again.

It has taken Cat half of her energy and strength to be silent and keep on walking. Not turning around to see if someone is still standing there, watching Cat leave. Juggling between doing the right thing or letting things be as it is. The memories of all things said and done..that would be the only thing left. Without that, there is only empty spaces.

Tried to write..but it's all coming out as random, inconsistent thoughts. Mind keep running back to those hopes and plans that has never been fulfilled and those happy times that were from the past  It takes all the effort to finish a post..and the result seems out of context and bland.
Maybe it would be better for Cat to start writing a textbook... bland and boring, kan. Cat must still be ok if she can still make silly statements as above.

Who else can Cat talk to about just anything. Whose opinion can Cat ask and who can Cat share Cat's silly ideas? Who can make Cat smile when Cat is sad?

People say that fasting would make one stronger and nearer to God. Cleanses the system and the mind.. Just as well..since cat is not eating, let cat just try fasting.

"When a problem hits you, open your heart to God and say "Inna lillahi wainna illaihi rajiuun."
"God,Ya Rabbi, I accept this trial with open heart, as what has been due to me".

Signing off,
Tired Cat

Green Fingers

GREEN FINGERS
She was holding her two hands in front of her. Looking at the palms and turning them around. Looking at them again, nearer..closer. Hmm.. do you see what she sees? :p No? Well, she also sees nothing unusual on them. These hands are no different than yours. Definitely. :) Affirmatively 

But.. there's a mystery here. If our hands look the same..(same texture..only the softness or the hardness is different of course.. :p) but why is it that all the plants that she planted died? Hmm..a great mystery there. Why does the flowers keep on blooming with all sorts of colors at the neighbor's garden next door?  Why are there no ants or snails on the other side of the fence? We are using the same fertilizers, same composts and same soil.. Isn't that a great mystery?

'The answer lies in having green fingers', says the lucky neighbor.
'Green fingers? Those are only fictions, aren't they? Where is there a person who has a magic touch that can make anything grow in her/his garden?' says me. There must be something that I can grow too.

Chillies? No..doesn't work. Cat's tail? Only for 2 weeks..Roses? Let's do Not talk about it. :p hehehe. Orchids? Only the pots are there..filling up with green grass. Ouch.. Sunflower? It just grew to the height of a..mmm...She has lost the words in comparing it to anything. Maybe she can never be a farmer :) Maybe she should just cement the whole green area and put plastic flowers there.
Hmm..


P/S: How about this for a solution . :) She will plant CACTUS only from now on. Seems that she can grow cactus very well at the office :p hehehe

Plants

Someone was talking about bananas and i was thinking why do we keep on looking at one type of fruits only these days when we heard the word 'local fruits'.

Where are the other fruits? Have Malaysians stop producing them? Is there a shortage of land or plantation to grow them? Or.. have all those rare fruits been eaten by elephants, squirrels and monkeys ? (Hehee..just a joke.)

The below article might shed a light a bit on this issue:

The production of rare fruits is rather limited due to low number of trees available for each species. However, some of the potential rare fruits are sold at night markets, 'pekan sehari' or along the roadsides. Most of the rare fruits are seasonal, but there are also species that are non-seasonal, producing fruits throughout the year. These rare fruits are usually grown in home gardens or orchards. Among the fruits that can be found in home gardens are Cermai, Ceri Terengganu, and Durian Nyekak.

One of the 'rare' fruits that cat would like to recall to memory is the one called 'Cermai'. I do not know what the English name for it is but scientifically it's called 'Phyllanthus Acidus'.

Even if you do not know any latin words, you can still make a quick guess on how the fruit taste like just by hearing the latin name: Yes, the Cermai is acidic and sour. It looks as small as a peanut and turns yellow in color when it's ripe (see photo).

Pregnant women just love this fruit as the sourness helps to keep the morning sickness away. Others prefer to eat 'Cermai' only when it has been pickled (put into a jar with a bit of salt and lots of sugar and water). This will certainly take away half of the acidity and leave you with a sweet & sour taste. Nice, kan :)

Kids love to collect the tiny fruits and uses it as an ammunition (easy to put in your pocket). Ammunition against what? Against the big fierce dog that lives further down the road (orang nak pergi mengaji pun susah.), against all the 'snails' eating the veggies, and against any big bullies.

Maybe that's also one of the reason the Cermai is less seen nowadays.

******************
MIMOSA

In Malay, mimosa is 'pokok semalu'. There seems to be 400 species of it in the whole world, but the one that capture's her eyes is the one called : Mimosa Pudica.



This plant..ehem.. cannot be eaten. (Even goats which are known to eat anything, avoid the plant). It's a simple plant, which some will categorize it under the grass family, with soft purple flowers. The mimosa can be found in the bushes, nearby to the drain area and places that does not have too much sun.

The unique thing about it is the way it protects it self. The small leaves will fold itself when someone touches it or if it's exposed to strong light. And you can't pull it out using your hands, because each of it's leaf has smaller thorns. If you try to jerk it from the ground, you'll get cuts in the palm of your hand.

She found this plant just outside the house when she was throwing out the rubbish. It made her think of how lucky this plant is. Even though God has made it in such a way that it can only grow in secluded places, it's also given a very effective way on how to protect itself. It surely doesn't need the protection of the bigger trees in order to survive. And best of all, it helps to beautify the area where it grows.

Doesn't it sounds nice to know in advance what is your purpose in life and to know where your strength lies? Hmmm..


******