Trying to Live

Lately, cat is seized by a sort of undefined sadness.
Guess it is coming to this. Some of the most important truths are right in front of cat..but like all personal things, cat is trying not to see it, trying not to face it.

Sometimes, someone might be everything, the most important thing to you. But you are not his everything. You might always be at the 2nd place to him. Being put aside. From time to time, it's still ok, but when it happens almost always..unreachable.. drowning in sadness.

This fact does not come from that someone by direct telling. It was more of reading between the lines, half stories and silences. This is what making cat sit far away. Stay away , moving away..whatever that suits the situation. There is no more glue to make the pieces stick together. It's easier to live without such feelings than having all the feelings that does not have a place for it.

Went for a run this afternoon, directly after work. 1 km, 2km.. must be 4km altogether. At last, cat stopped. Sprawled on the green grass. Suddenly it came to mind: When all the muscles feel as if they are going to explode and you think you'll die a slow painful death, it is now time to take a break. The same goes with the mind. When you feel drained, sad and the throbbing going non-stop, it's really time to take a break. Cat got to find her peace of mind..

Would you understand...it's not about hate at all. It's not about you. It's about living..trying to live..

Signing off,
Cat