Words of Love and Hate

The tongue, while being a mass of boneless flesh in your mouth, plays a very significant role in life. Sounds came out from your mouth when you waggle it. Those sounds became words. Those words became sentences and from there became a way of communication. Cut the tongue, and you become dumb.

Depends on how you choose to use it, the tongue may become a tool to bring joy or a weapon to hurt someone. The world would certainly be empty without the soft comforting sound of a mother's lullaby , sung with love and full of affection.

Poetry and songs that praises God, that speaks of love and the beauty of nature..keeps us calm and sane amidst the fast moving modernization and madness of development.

Through words also, the wise teaches and bestows knowledge on the younger generation for the betterment of mankind. The soothing, kind words of advices given by a good friend goes a long way when you are deep in despair.

The soft words of love from a dearest one gives you hope and lifts your heart above all pain and hardships. Leaving in it's place a calmness of the spirit.

*********************************************

However, on the other side, the tongue can be a tool sharper than the sharpest sword, killing hopes in one slash of sentences.

Those overshadowed by greed and jealousy, uses the tongue to spit out vicious slander and malicious lies, bringing the innocent ones to their knees. Destroying the credibility of a good man.

The venomous forked tongues seek pleasures in breaking friendships, marriages, brave spirits and making brothers fight among themselves.

The tongue of a sleek conman is able to perform many athletic movements: spin, bend, turn, twists and somersaults, just to get out of a problem and blaming things on others.

The sly Casanova tongue brought shame on many women, by whispering sweet nothings into the ears of gullible women.

Bad politicians wag their tongues shamelessly, making false promises in order to win votes.

*********************************************

He has told Cat once that words speak louder than action. He would rather keep his silence than promises Cat something that is above his limitations. Even when he knows how much Cat wanted him to say it, and how much it is hurting Cat. And Cat has also learn to trust him with her whole heart as she understood now that with him, a word given is to be kept.

He has been the one who always managed to make Cat laugh, always bringing a smile to the lips with his light jokes and teasing. He told Cat that he is also the one who makes Cat cries. It's true. But, it's only because the one you love is always the one who could touch your deeply hidden heart.

When the heart is too near to each other, it loses the perspective..sometimes clouded by jealousy and wrongly made conclusions. Being human, of course, there are times that we do not see eye to eye, times where we hurt each other feelings unintentionally, times where we stubbornly tried not to talk to each other. But in the end, we came back together. The moment of tears were so little when compared to the joy and laughter that we shared. We would forgive each other then and the feelings that we had would just become stronger. *************************************************

Words have hurt me deeply, words have also comforted me in time of need. But tears have always been the loyal friend.

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.”

Come To Live

There's a river flowing through me...
it knows me
It's currents they, control my emotions
But there's just one stream that evades me, escapes me
It overflows when my heart's left open

Your feelings, are the one thing
Out of my control, it's not in my hands
Not knowing... is killing me
Where's the way inside your soul?
We gotta get it grow

Like a flower under rain
Like a child's first day
Like a story's first page
Watch our love come to life
Love is not a thing to rush
It's a feeling you should trust
It'll be that way with us
Watch our love come to life

There's no point in making predictions
Or wishing... the paths we're on are somehow connected
and you can't see around the corner
You wanna... cause you're so afraid life'll leave you rejected
When you least expect it

Your feelings... are the one thing
Out of my control... it's not in my hands
Not knowing, is killing me
Where's the way inside your soul
we gotta let it grow

Like a flower under rain
Like a child's first day
Like a story's first page
Watch our love come to life
Love is not a thing to rush
It's a feeling you should trust
It'll be that way with us
Watch our love come to life
Come to life come to life

hands touching
 eyes sweeping electricity
no words... hearts speak what is happening
you wanted so bad to fall
you wanted to risk it all
but right now its not your call

like a flower under rain
like a child's first day
like a story's first page
watch our love come to life

Love is not a thing to rush
It's a feeling you should trust
It'll be that way with us
watch our love come to life
come to life come to life
watch our love come to life

Treasures of the past

There are times when I can be very sensible and there are moments when I am just the opposite: unreasonable and stubborn.



One of those stubborn moments is when it comes to the time when mom wants to throw my diaries, letters, books, bits and pieces of stuffs from my early years. Coming back home after 4 years of studying overseas, I was horrified to find that the house where I grew up has been sold. Eyes big as saucers..while the heart becoming smaller and smaller as I walked through the half empty house. Shock and sadness filling up.



'Where are Dad's collection of pipes?' I asked.
'Ohh..I gave them to Pak Su, since elder brother and me do not smoke pipes' said 2nd brother.
'You did what?' I was stupefied.
'And I also gave away some of your stuffs as the new apartment is so much smaller and it doesn't have as much space to put everyone's stuffs in it. And those stuffs of yours are junks' he continues, putting salt into an open wound. Junks? Those were cat's personal stuffs!


After Dad passed away and everyone (except me) agreed to move to KL , they got rid of my books, my paintings, bus and cinema tickets.. and those bottles of colored origami stars that I  spent hours and hours of supposedly study time to fold. My collection of cassettes and Dad's clothes! Missing also.. Would I take them with me to wherever I am going? Perhaps not.. it's just that I wanted everything to be same like before I left home. Like the time when Dad was still there...


But now, after all those years, I finally understood. It's not about the items that were given away. The hardest thing actually was that those items were a part of that person who I used to be..a part of a previous life that I wanted to keep intact. And for those memories, I have not been talking to my brothers for years.
(It doesn't feel silly at all at that time, though).



Sometimes...you have to let go of unused things...even if only to make room for the future. Where would we be if we never let go of the past, never want to listen to new songs, never throw away the old clothes, the tickets..? When you hold on too hard to the past, and for no better reason that it was a part of you, it will take up so much space that you don't have room to try something new.



Hmm.. where did I put the phone book with brothers' numbers on it? Well..there are still some space in the old album to add new photos of probable nieces and nephews. ...Will the phone numbers still ring?

As Time Goes By II

Most of us would think we had died and gone to heaven if we were offered forty six million dollars as salary. :) Even 1 million is a lot. Even half a million is still a lot! (smile)

Had a talk with a friend a few days ago. He used to be one of the important people in the company and was always busy with overseas trip. Expensive coats, expensive cars, dining in 5 stars restaurants. You could just go green with envy except that he was very down to earth person.

Imagine, seeing him again, and his life is completely different from the last time. Like the difference between North vs South or Sun vs Moon. He has chosen to retire early at just the age of 38 years old! Hmm..so young to be thinking of doing that. At the peak of his career where anyone would gladly pay him the salary that he wanted!

Me being me, I can't hold any question for a long time. A question must be asked, if not I'll just can't sit still (laughing). 'Why the drastic action?' I asked. You can just take a break or 2 months of unpaid leave, then come back again into the game. Don't you miss all this on the spot decision making and on hands projects?

'No, dear' he said.'I have given it all a thought those last 6 months. I was tired, nearer to my limitation, no friends, no personal life. I just need to get out from the race and I just decided to do it now. While I still have my health and some remaining good years, I have decided to retire. Of course, I have been saving for this a few years already.'

I looked at him again. His white skin is now tanned, his usually short and neat hair has grown long with lots of white hair here and there, his usual trademark coat and slack has been replaced with T-shirt and jeans. But..he does look more relaxed and happier than the last time. There was no more of those red eyes from lack of sleep. And he didn't argue that much either. He has opened a shop in his hometown and have one car instead of three. But he's planning to open a resort of his dreams soon.

I wish him all the happiness in life. Do I still envy him? Yes, maybe because of the way he is so sure of his decision and as if he knows where's his heading. Would I do the same thing if I was in his place? No..Yes..Maybe.. different circumstances, different goals, different levels.. He has found what he is looking for, while I am still struggling to understand things. Different strokes..

Wonder, what does he see when he looks at me? Hmm..

What would you do..

I was reading this article: What would you do when you feel depressed or heartbroken?

Among the most common answer was to go and raid the fridge. Find whatever there is in the fridge and stuff yourself. Food is understood to be the fastest way to fill up the empty space that you feel in your heart. But the side effect of this is the weight gain that you get at the end of this binge. And all the extra weight will only make you more depressed, and you'll keep on eating, and more depressed.. the vicious circle keeps going on and on. (Drinking also has the same effect on your body and mind).

The second suggestion is to be alone, go somewhere quiet to lick your wounds. This was also 1 of my reply the last time. Go somewhere quiet, listen to sad, sad songs and have a good cry. (My favorite song was: "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton. Can really listen to it hundreds of time in one day. The best song to hear when you are sad). But most of the times, this strategy will only make me more sad than ok. You really won't feel like seeing anyone at all and just want to bury yourself deeper into yourself.

Now, I have changed the strategy. Seeing that tape on the "Law of Attraction", I have discovered that you need to do a reverse psychology. (This is really not an ad for the tape. Just one of my experimental studies). It doesn't mean that you can't be sad. Of course you can.. I will still take some time to be alone. But this time I will set a time limit to it (2 hours max. enough kan?). In this 1 hour I will listen to Toni Braxton (what else) and then think about the problem. After the time is up, I will try to think something positive about it. Positive thinking attracts positive attitude and the world will not look as bleak as what it was just now. And stop all the sad songs. Writing and chatting with friends helps too. Laughing is surely the best medicine.

I may still be sad inside (unavoidable. You can't change a black cat to be a white cat..unless you dip it into a can of white paint) but at least not depressed or melancholic. :) And lastly, prayers. After you have tried your best, the next step is to talk and pray to God. After all..we are only human, and there's a limit to what we can handle on our own.

Instead of breaking down, you'll discover that you are getting stronger inside. Start with a little step and have faith. Just sharing with you what I have learn the hard way

Friends For ALways

People are always saying to their friends that they'll be "Friends Forever".
In reality, how often does the friendship last?

You might be the best of friends one year after you left school.
Slowly, with college and university, the letters come in once a month but you are still pretty good friends who talks on the phone once a while.
Then, you started your first job and do not talk often anymore.
The year after that, you were so busy with your new life tat you don't have the time to talk to them anymore.

So, once in a while, take the time to say thank you to them : Even if you never talk to them again in your life, tell them that they are special to you and they have made a difference in your life.
Tell them also that you look up to them, respected them, and truly cherish them.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell your new friends that you never will.
Everyone needs a friend. Someday you might feel like you have no friends at all.
Just remember this and take comfort in knowing that somebody out there cares about you and always will.

Dungeons and Dragons

When do stars fade their light?
Does the sun and the moon make it right?
For you and the world maybe..
Like an endless storm chasing a mystery
*****

Betrayed.

Stabbed a thousand times by words sharper than the sharpest knife ever. Now she knows the real meaning of being abandoned, lost, without hope or anyone to hold on to. At the end, made to be the scarlet woman who will be forgiven in condition that she begs for forgiveness.

Dead.
How she wishes that she could just disappear from the face of the earth. Tried standing in the middle of the road, but there is always someone who pulled her back. What good is life now? Her problem is not numbness. It's rather feeling the hurt 300 times over. Maybe this is what hell really is.

To die and being reincarnated again with always the same role and scene: to feel the pain being hit by a lorry repeatedly. If this is reality, dying would certainly be better than living.

A hundred years could never wipe the lesson that she had received tonight.
Each time when you open your heart to someone, it gets ripped and torn to pieces. The price for love is always high.

What has she done to deserve such a fate? To be cursed as one of the living dead. People can continue to say what they want but only those that have lost all hope, would not care whether they ended in heaven or hell.

Guys and Gals

A colleague was in the office looking so glum just after the meeting. Making jokes and teasing her just doesn't work. Hmm.. got a hint that this must be a case with a guy. What else could make a woman as depressed as that if not a guy? :p True, what. If it's because of the meeting, she would surely been more vocal instead of sitting there so quietly.

Taking her by the hand and cajoling her to have a drink, she slowly spilled the story out. I can be quite persuading sometims. The story is that she had a quarrel with her partner.

Well, if there is one area in our lives where most of us struggle,it's relationship.
An article by Sally Brampton was advising on a thing called "Reverse Psychology". Cat agreed. It's easy to to be told to be gentler, kinder or more tolerant. A better way is to know what we should do in the first place. After all, Prevention is Better than Cure, isn't it? :)

10 lists of Things Not To Do:
a) Do not confuse our partner's emotion with our own. Say, your spouse comes home and yells at you. The first response we usually do is to take it personally. Better take a step back and look at what's really bothering them. It might be stress from work.

b) We cannot change other people. All we can change is our own responses and behaviour towards the person. Keyword: Less complaint.

c)Replace the word 'you' with the word 'I'. Take charge of your feelings:"I feel this when u do that" instead saying "you did this and made me feel that way"

d)Ban the words never and always.
Do not accuse people by saying "You never take out the garbage" or "You always forget my birthday". Instead, say "I wish you'd remember my birthday. It really upsets me when you don't.

e) Do Not be Defensive. It's simply another form of blame

f) Don't sulk. Silence can be a form of punishment and refusing to engage makes conciliation impossible.

g) Don't keep a battle going. Learn to accept an apology as well as to apologize, not necessarily for the action but for the situation. Example : "I am sorry we had such a silly quarrel".

h) Don't make assumptions about other people's behaviour. Ask yourself: 'How do I know if that's really true?' Am I over reacting this?'. We might, for example, assume somebody is late because they don't care whereas they can be late for any number of reasons that has nothing to do with us.

i) Don't be controlling. People are imperfect, even the ones we love, and controlling is a kind of game playing. One game that couples like to play is witholding affection without realizing that the real casualty is the relationship.

j) Treat your other half as you would your closest friend: with respect, affection and tolerance.

Good advice, don't you think so?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness means letting go of the past..
*****
There are times when words of a loved one hurts you so much that you can still hear it ringing in your eyes. The betrayal of a friend still upsets you. The scolding of a boss seems so harsh at times. Sometimes you can still feel the hurt as if it was only yesterday. Everyone has been hurt sometimes by someone.

Try letting go of the hurt. Keeping a grudge would only keep the hurt burning and alive. It's like rubbing salt into an old wound. It just stings all the more.

It does sounds impossible to just forget a hurt that someone has done to you. It's not easy at all. It would mean to forget your right to hurt back someone the way that they hurt you in the past.

Forgive and only then you can move on with your life.

Instant Chemistry

This is certainly not the chemistry that we were taught of in school.
Sometimes we meet certain people and we take an immediate liking to them. Sometimes it's the opposite where we feel an intense dislike before even talking to the person.

Some call it instict.. :) but others call it chemistry. This usually happens when we discover that the other person is validating us in some way. When someone confirms what we believe, have the same thoughts as us, we automatically like the person even more. Same way of thinking, same liking, slugs.

The opposite is also true. Sometimes, our own misperception drives us away from certain people. Although they may be perfectly nice, we act as if they are inaccessible to us. Then we began to stay away from them. It might be jealousy, envy or ego or even wanting that something the other person has.

Psychologists say that we like people who has traits that we want. We dislike those who display characteristics in ourselves that we are ashamed about.

Hmm.. points to ponder. How come sometimes opposite attracts? A case of special 'hybrid' created by certain chemicals in chemistry? Or should we blame it on Cupid?

Furbys

FURBYS


Have you seen the scary movie 'Child's Play' where the evil character was a doll named Chucky? The doll in which dwell an evil spirit? Talking about this, made me think about 'Gremlins', those cute unidentified small cute creatures that became evil when you forgot to feed it. And then there were the small talking furry creatures called 'Furbys'.

What's the connection that all three of them have? :) Well, only that they are small, cute dolls or rather 'electronic toys'.

Some of you may not even know what a Furby is. A Furby is an electronic furry owl like creature that was selling like hot cakes in 1998. It was a big craze at that time that even McD was making small plastic toy Furbys to be given as part of 'Happy Meal'.



What is interesting about these furbys are that they can interact with each of your actions. Just like a real pet, you need to feed, talk and play with it. At first, when you had just bought it, a Furby speaks entirely in Furbish Language (do not worry, as each Furby comes with a dictionary. The more frequent you talk and rub it.. the much faster will the Furby talk in English.

At first it was only the children who played with Furby. Then they become collection items: Adults went over the board trying to collect the Furbys that were limited edition such as the Wedding Furby and the Biker Furby and the price just went sky up.
Then came the baby Furbys , smaller version of Furbys and much more affordable.



Some would say that it's a waste of money but the Furby being a new innovative toy at that time was worth the price. For a kid that was not allowed to keep a pet, a Furby was an answer to everything. It doesn't smell, doesn't need much space and doesn't sxxx. :) It purrs like a cat when you stroke the stomach. To feed them you only need to stick your finger in Furbys mouth. It sings when it's happy and cry when it's hungry. Tickle it and it laughs. And those adorable broken English sentences or baby like talks 'Me deep sleep', 'Me no like' .. :D (hey, we girls do love mushy things)

Must be signs of old age when you start to talk about the 'Good Old Days'.
:) If only life would be like the movies and have happy endings.. dream on, Cat.

Give and Take

Everyone wants happiness and nobody wants pain
But
You cannot make a rainbow without a little rain..
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Juneita's note last Sunday goes as such:
'Very often in our lives, few things touch us and move us because it does not happen directly to us. We might watch or read the news about a big flood that destroyed provisions, houses and separate family members from each others. We feel sorry for them, we send some cash or clothes. Then we turned the pages and move on with our lives.'

How true, Juneita.
When horrible things happen to others, we give advise, we sympathize and sometimes wonder why the person inflected with the problem cannot think of ways to solve them. Sometimes, we even think that if we are in the person's shoes, we would certainly tackle the problems better than them. We give them a pat on the back, and say 'Do not be so depressed, there are others whose burden are heavier than yours'.

(How I hate that sentence. Those that have not been tested, would not know nor understand how it feels when your world crashes on top of your head. To not know where to find the fund or to find solution to the problem. Or to lose everything that means to you)

Yes, we could imagine how they feel. We can say that we will be well prepared when the time comes. Yet, when disaster strikes you or your family, you are still uncertain of what to do. And at that time, action is needed more than words.

In cases of emotional emergency, we might never be ready. But in cases of natural disasters, death, sickness, we can be prepared and help those around us to be prepared for it too. How? Remember how your mum used to do it? By giving supporting roles to the kids in daily life.

Maybe that's it. Going back to the basics..building a closely knit family units. Start by teaching the eldest to mind and care for the younger siblings. Learn to get the children to take interest in helping to prepare dinner when you are cooking. Give them a list of uncles or aunties to call in times of emergencies. It always help to have an older person to be with them in time of need.

For those that do not have families or relatives nearby, for single mothers who had had to raise their children on their own and others on their own, close friends and neighbors would be a substitute for non existing relatives. After years of struggling singularly to carry the burden, maybe it's time to to accept the fact that we do need others as others need us. A family unit, a neighborhood community, a caring society.

At the end of the day, it's not only about asking help from another. But also about what we can do for others that needed our help. Maybe it's also about making life much better and nicer for everyone.

God Bless my computer

Should have read this poem yesterday, before my pc started it's tantrum and hid my files and refused strictly to do any of my command. Glad to share this with you and am dedicating this especially to my beloved pc and notebook:

Every evening
As I'm laying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head

God bless my mom and dad
And bless my little cat

And look out for my brother
When things aren't looking up

And God, there's one more thing
I wish that you could do
Hope you don't mind me asking
But please bless my computer too?

Now I know that's not normal
To bless a mother board
But just listen a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord'

You see, that little metal box
Holds more to me than odds and ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest a hundred of my 'BEST FRIENDS'

Some it's true I've never seen
And most I've never met
We've never exchanged hugs
Or shared a meal as yet....

I know for sure they like me
By the kindness that they give

And this little scrap of metal
Is how I travel to where they live

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
I share in what life brings them
From that our friendship grew

"PLEASE" Take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless this scrap of metal
That's filled with so much love!

(Author Unknow

Crossroads

Crossroads.. a friend was talking about crossroads.

He saw the crossroads as a new beginning: a place where you meet new and old friends. Crossroads, to him means hope and friendship.

Crossroads..to me, means choosing, deciding, beginning a new journey and leaving something behind. Funny, how even one word can have different meanings between friends. Like the Malay proverb says : Two people can share the same hair color, but the heart and opinion is individual.



Standing at my own crossroads. There seems to be so many crossroads and decisions to make. There seems to be no clue as which is the best way..or the shortest way.. or ..the hardest way? The wrong way, maybe?

No turning back. Once decided, you just got to give your best shot. If you are lucky, you'll meet and make friends on your journey. There will be hard times as well as good times. Make sure all the important items are in your bag and go on with your eyes wide often.

Sometimes, you'll feel lonely. You'll feel sad. Sometimes you do get lost on your way (a ketchup smudge making a deceptive spot on your life map). Keep your faith. There are stars to show you the way and angels watching silently and keeping guard when you sleep. And there are friends praying for your safety.

Maybe both our versions are correct. We may meet at the same crossroads at certain points in life. For cat, it might be more to leaving the past behind..and for him, it might be looking forward to a new beginning. It's just looking from different perspectives. Glad to meet you and have you walking with cat for as long as you want or till our path need us to part again at different crossroads.

Crossroads, roads, highway, junctions, round about.... sweet dreams to all..

To Have An Answer

Many of us have stories to tell. But how many are able to tell their story that they do not look like they are washing dirty linen in public? To tell or not to tell the whole story without being ashamed or opening your wounds to the whole world.

There's also the fear of being condemned by people who do not understand the situation. People who would make judgment based on face value. People who does not have the patience to try to understand or hear both sides of the story.

Some people say..'there are others who are suffering more than you'. That might be true..but when you are hurting so much inside, those words do not mean much to you. It just makes you close your mouth automatically and walk away thinking that no one understands. Only those that have endured hunger would know how it feels to be hungry. No amount of reading or listening would prepare you for it.

Life is certainly not a bed of roses but it's not without hope also.
Sometimes, it just feel like there's no use of going against the tide. Not being a superwoman, I cannot save the world or change the way things are.

At times when things are dark and feeling weary to the bone, a memory came to mind and make a smile appears. When all seems like emptiness, someone came and fill up the vast space with kindness, understanding and love.

To have someone to believe that you are strong enough to go on... Someone who pushes away all the tiredness and replaces them with hope and 'bling bling' shining eyes.
Why would a person want to be with an imperfect someone? He melted the heart with this answer : That his heart needed me.

Tell me dear heart.. is this all a dream..?