Guys and Gals

A colleague was in the office looking so glum just after the meeting. Making jokes and teasing her just doesn't work. Hmm.. got a hint that this must be a case with a guy. What else could make a woman as depressed as that if not a guy? :p True, what. If it's because of the meeting, she would surely been more vocal instead of sitting there so quietly.

Taking her by the hand and cajoling her to have a drink, she slowly spilled the story out. I can be quite persuading sometims. The story is that she had a quarrel with her partner.

Well, if there is one area in our lives where most of us struggle,it's relationship.
An article by Sally Brampton was advising on a thing called "Reverse Psychology". Cat agreed. It's easy to to be told to be gentler, kinder or more tolerant. A better way is to know what we should do in the first place. After all, Prevention is Better than Cure, isn't it? :)

10 lists of Things Not To Do:
a) Do not confuse our partner's emotion with our own. Say, your spouse comes home and yells at you. The first response we usually do is to take it personally. Better take a step back and look at what's really bothering them. It might be stress from work.

b) We cannot change other people. All we can change is our own responses and behaviour towards the person. Keyword: Less complaint.

c)Replace the word 'you' with the word 'I'. Take charge of your feelings:"I feel this when u do that" instead saying "you did this and made me feel that way"

d)Ban the words never and always.
Do not accuse people by saying "You never take out the garbage" or "You always forget my birthday". Instead, say "I wish you'd remember my birthday. It really upsets me when you don't.

e) Do Not be Defensive. It's simply another form of blame

f) Don't sulk. Silence can be a form of punishment and refusing to engage makes conciliation impossible.

g) Don't keep a battle going. Learn to accept an apology as well as to apologize, not necessarily for the action but for the situation. Example : "I am sorry we had such a silly quarrel".

h) Don't make assumptions about other people's behaviour. Ask yourself: 'How do I know if that's really true?' Am I over reacting this?'. We might, for example, assume somebody is late because they don't care whereas they can be late for any number of reasons that has nothing to do with us.

i) Don't be controlling. People are imperfect, even the ones we love, and controlling is a kind of game playing. One game that couples like to play is witholding affection without realizing that the real casualty is the relationship.

j) Treat your other half as you would your closest friend: with respect, affection and tolerance.

Good advice, don't you think so?